tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248418422024-03-07T08:03:53.387-06:00blog bunnyget on the train, kids.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger123125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24841842.post-59556764949666819652008-07-31T22:51:00.005-05:002008-07-31T22:56:21.268-05:0010(0)1 bunniesi have a new blog. i am doing 101 things in 1001 days. you should do it, too.<br /> <br /><a href="http://morganbunnies.vox.com/"></a><br /><br />i can't make a link work, and don't want to fool with it right now. so here is the url: http://morganbunnies.vox.com/Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24841842.post-55019816558026074282008-07-30T17:33:00.002-05:002008-07-30T17:52:58.135-05:00gentleover the past months, i have battled a lot of guilt. i have spent a lot of time feeling really shitty about myself and regretting choices i made that hurt other people. i let myself listen to other people who said really hurtful, judgmental things about me, and i believed them. <br /><br />needless to say, this has been pretty miserable. i have been stuck in the past, reliving what i did, and what i didn't do...wondering what i could have done differently, wishing that i had acted differently...feeling like some how, some way, i have to prove to myself - and to other people - that i really am not a lousy shit, and that i'm not defined by things i do, whether they are good things or bad things.<br /><br />today i was listening to someone talking about how she's fucked things up pretty bad in the past, and has had a hard time accepting the choices she made. and then she said: "you know what? i did the best i could with what i had, and sometimes that wasn't a whole hell of a lot."<br /><br />so yeah, i feel shitty about some things that i did. but i believe - i have to believe - that if i could have done better, i would have. that helps me to feel a little compassion for myself. it helps me to see that i am not heartless or sinister, but sometimes i don't have a whole lot to work with. which sucks, but what can you do? other than try? <br /><br />anne lamott says that being a human is a real stretch for her sometimes, and god, do i agree.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24841842.post-9380777687849697062008-07-07T11:43:00.002-05:002008-07-07T11:58:36.260-05:00new skill acquiredyesterday i learned how to make crepes. by myself!<br /><br />i have always been really intimidated by crepe-making. go ahead and scoff, but really, crepes seem so fragile and temperamental to me that i have always felt like if i so much as blinked my eyes too many times while cooking them, they would turn into a disastrous mess. <br /><br />not so!<br /><br />and i don't even have a crepe pan! well, not yet. but i might have to get one now, because i am obsessed with crepes, and was really devastated when i had used up all of the batter and had no more crepes to cook. i feel like a door has opened to me, and the culinary possibilities have expanded exponentially. do you know how many things i could put in crepes? and how many sauces i could put on top of crepes? my god. i feel dizzy with the enormity of it.<br /><br />yesterday, not only did i make crepes, but i made blintzes out of my crepes! blintzes, which i had never eaten (and obviously never made, on account of my unreasonable fear of crepes), are cute little packages of goodness that will single-handedly improve the quality of your life. first you make crepes. then you make a tasty filling. then you put a little oblong pile of tasties into the crepe, and you fold it into a little rectangle, and then you cook it with the tiniest smidge of margarine (or butter i guess, if you're into that kind of thing), and then you have little, perfect, lightly browned packets of wowie! <br /><br />don't count how many times i said little in the last paragraph. don't do it.<br /><br />my first blintzes were potato-mushroom blinztes....potatoes mashed up with onions and mushrooms sauteed with caraway seeds. and then i served them with unsweetened applesauce and cashew ricotta i had made the day before. it has been awhile since i have been so satisfied with something that came out of my kitchen.<br /><br />oh, the leisure of being able to putter around unhurried, cooking whatever i want. i wonder how many crepes i could make before my bank account runs out of money. let's find out.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24841842.post-19352816928780345162008-07-06T16:39:00.004-05:002008-07-06T16:47:10.958-05:00hard core unemploymentwhen dad retired, he told me that it was easy to lose track of what day of the week it was, because there is no longer work to create a distinction between workdays and weekend days. <br /><br />this, oddly enough, is also true of unemployment. fridays used to be my FAVORITE day because of all the promise of the whole weekend stretched out before me.....and sundays used to inevitably make me the most terrible grouch, because i would feel like surely another weekend would never come, ever ever ever.<br /><br />and now here it is sunday....which is just like friday.....and wednesday....and monday......<br /><br />i have not been allowing myself to lay around in my bathrobe eating bonbons. well, only for a few hours a day. i've been working on getting up earlier and earlier so that when i do have a job (and i will! i shall! i must!!) it won't be a horrible adjustment. i'm having trouble getting over the 7:10 hurdle, but i know my persistence will eventually pay off...and before you know it, i'll be getting up at 4:30 am so that i can have the cows milked and the butter churned before the break of dawn. <br /><br />oh, and i qualified for unemployment! bring on the bonbons!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24841842.post-72767902006698246042008-06-25T16:29:00.003-05:002008-06-25T16:37:01.690-05:00trying to combat discouragementlooking for a job is not all that it's cracked up to be, really. especially while trying to tie up 3 years worth of loose ends at another job, still working for people towards whom i feel a fair amount of resentment. <br /><br />ok, "a fair amount" is a really big understatement.<br /><br />but anyways, my almond-quinoa muffins just came out of the oven and i'm hoping they will provide at least momentary distraction from my feelings of panic and insecurity. if not, it's almost time for the hour of $5 martinis at eastland cafe. those are a sure fire bet for distraction from aforementioned feelings.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24841842.post-43102262647521411972008-06-23T22:45:00.003-05:002008-06-23T22:57:46.801-05:00smothered, covered, and diced.on account of me being obsessed with food and cooking, yesterday i broke down and purchased the wii game, "cooking mama: cook off."<br /><br />seeing as how it is considerably cheaper than other wii games, and i have NEVER been able to find it to rent at blockbuster or the like, i think it hasn't been very popular. and i cannot for the life of me understand why. <br /><br />because i love it.<br /><br />granted, i did not succeed at making scrambled eggs, pierogies, minestrone, lasagna, or hot dogs (i struggled with stewing, seasoning, and stretching dough, for starters). i did a fine job on the pan-seared lobster, however. my favorite activity is dicing, because you get to pretend like the wii remote is a knife and you are whacking something into little pieces with it. something like a carrot or an onion. so deliciously non-violent! except for the part where i had to slice bacon, and mince meat, which was just gross. <br /><br />but anyways, after you complete each step of a recipe, you get a little evaluation of the previously completed task. there are three different "grades" you can receive. the highest grade is "very good." when you get "very good," then the little voice says, all asian-sounding: "wonderfur! better than mama!" this strikes me as hilarious, and i don't know that i will ever grow weary of it. the next highest grade is "good," and i don't remember what cooking mama says, but it isn't that interesting. the LOWEST grade is "try harder." when you are told to "try harder," cooking mama says that she will helps you - but she doesn't. AND - sometimes when you get this particular evaluation, the "try harder" evaluation, cooking mama's eyes turn into flames! my dough stretching was so bad it caught cooking mama's eyes on fire! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!<br /><br />WONDERFUR! BETTER THAN MAMA!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24841842.post-13736226700633402682008-06-20T16:27:00.002-05:002008-06-20T16:38:47.920-05:00twateverwhole months of my life have gone by completely undocumented.<br /><br />let me see, what has happened since september of last year.<br /><br />lots of things, can't think of any funny ones right now. <br /><br />i've been working on my resume, because i got laid off (if you scan back through a few years worth of blog entries, i'm pretty sure there is one from the last time i got laid off. by the same company. one would think i would learn my lesson, wouldn't one? one would be wrong, and would not understand how hard-headed i am). i tried to write my "professional profile" and was thinking about how ridiculous it is to have to write an advertisement for myself.<br /><br />i think i'm going to start working on composing my lesbianism resume.<br /><br />qualifications:<br />lots of cats<br />birkenstocks<br /><br />skills:<br />hehehehehehe<br /><br />achievements:<br />hehehehehe!<br /><br />references available upon request. <br /><br />oh and one other thing. i interviewed for a job that i didn't get. they called me back in to tell me i didn't get the job, and why i didn't get the job. i kind of was thinking, prior to this, that usually a potential employer didn't volunteer that information, unless it was requested. or unless they are black-hearted snakes. (i didn't request the information). but one of the qualities they were looking for, that i didn't have, was "strategic thinking skills." translation: you are a dumbie. dumb people can't do this job, dumbie. my self-esteem, it is rockin.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24841842.post-83065288650674313352007-09-06T18:50:00.000-05:002007-09-06T18:55:21.545-05:00why i go to divinity schoollisten, i know i suck at blogging. it isn't probably going to get much better, seeing as how i have to read no less than hundreds of pages each week, combined with (and i counted) 110 pages worth of paper writing.<br /><br />BUT.<br /><br />i am reading simone de beauvoir's "the second sex" for class, well, i'm reading 300 pages of it for class, and i just came across this little quotsie:<br /><br />"my earliest ideas of the superiority of the male were connected with urination. i felt aggrieved with nature because i lacked so useful and ornamental an organ. NO TEAPOT WITHOUT A SPOUT FELT SO FORLORN. it required no one to instil (sic) into me the theory of male predominance and superiority. constant proof was before me." (emphasis mine)<br /><br />that's right. divinity school.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24841842.post-52011852916667814112007-08-14T14:03:00.000-05:002007-08-14T14:16:54.256-05:00thievery is stupider than shitso awhile back, back when i was utterly incapable of coping with things like wiping my own ass, we had a little "incident" over at the flip house.<br /><br />which is located in the HOOD. like not really in a transitional neighborhood so much. straight up, d-d-d-dirty style, domestic disturbance, crack head on the corner HOOD. whenever we tell people what street the house is on, if they are at all familiar with nashville, they consistently respond: "WOWEE. you are stupid. i just went there last week to buy crack." <br /><br />whatever. <br /><br />so anyways, i get a call one morning from julie, who has gone over to the flip house. i think i was in the middle of gnashing my teeth. she says: "somebody stole the bottom half of the bathroom window." <br /><br />what?<br /><br />the new window that we just put in? the bottom half of it? WHY WOULD ANYBODY DO THAT? ITS NOT LIKE YOU CAN TAKE IT TO YOUR CRACK DEALER AND TRADE IT FOR A ROCK. the bottom half of a new window is totally worthless to anybody except the person who owns the top half of the window. which, in this case, is me. <br /><br />after further investigation, we found that the awesome person/persons who stole the bottom half of the window also stole anything in the house that could fit through the bathroom window and that could also be pawned without creating much suspicion. like a ladder. my dad's tiller (I LOVE WHEN I BORROW THINGS FROM PEOPLE AND THEN THEY GET STOLEN). a tile saw. etcetera, etcetera. <br /><br />i probably should just cut and copy this post into the listing for the house (which goes on the house TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW), because obviously it will be a big selling point if people know that all of their pawnable shit will probably be stolen promptly after they move in. <br /><br />i'm working on setting up booby traps. and if somebody steals the window boxes (which are cute as CRAP) that are bolted to the house, i'm just going to start standing guard outside the house, 24 hours a day, with mercy at my side and my semi-automatic in hand. because anybody who knows what is good for them would NOT fuck with my ferocious hound. holla.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24841842.post-7420432348317468002007-08-04T19:21:00.000-05:002007-08-04T19:24:03.116-05:00because we are shut-insand she says, after only 4 hours of laying on the air mattress in the living room floor watching movies:<br /><br />"do you think we're developing bed sores yet?"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24841842.post-38410133474821089632007-07-30T11:55:00.000-05:002007-07-30T12:12:52.049-05:00and we're off!first order of business today, get emissions test and then get tags renewed. because they expire tomorrow. went to the testing station. failed the emissions test. because my check engine light is on. and i have to have proof that the repairs have been completed before they will pass me. naturally, this sent me into a tailspin that ends in hysterical sobbing (AFTER i leave the emissions place) -- clearly, a very reasonable and appropriate response to such a situation. right.<br /><br />so i decide to change my next order of business, and instead of completing another task on my to-do list, i call the vanderbilt counseling center in complete desperation. because it is becoming increasingly clear to me and everyone else in my life that i am growing less and less able to cope with every day tasks. the lady who answered the phone was completely baffled, clearly, though i'm not sure what she was having a hard time with. that i am a full-time student? that i was a full-time student for the past 2 semesters, and will continue to be a full-time student in the fall? that i want to schedule an appointment? it confused her enough that she needed to take down my number so she can call me back. with any luck, SHE will be my therapist.<br /><br />i have a session with a client in 50 minutes. i am lying in my bed with the curtains drawn, unshowered and not wearing work attire. let's all take bets on whether or not i can pull my shit together.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24841842.post-5981530281589673032007-07-30T00:27:00.001-05:002007-07-30T00:34:32.553-05:00not really very oki keep going to bed, and thinking that the next day i will wake up and things will be better, and i will feel better, and i will do better and be better and be ok. it keeps not happening. <br /><br />it is not an amazing sensation when you begin to realize that your antidepressants, they aren't working. i don't feel amazing. i try to hide under my little shell of cynical humor and sarcasm, and that isn't working anymore either. <br /><br />none of it is working anymore.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24841842.post-37961011495159635622007-07-28T19:48:00.001-05:002007-07-28T19:57:57.738-05:00proving that we share genetic similaritieslet me preface this by explaining that the little real estate adventure that i like to call my own personal hell has gone a bit over budget. i'm not going to elaborate on what i mean by "a bit," because a few thousand dollars ago i just stopped running the quicken report that tells me how much money has been spent, year to date, on my own personal hell. sooo anyways, i've been pulling money from all corners of the earth (just a side note: my bank put a 5 day hold on a check from WACHOVIA, because it was out of state. because obviously, wachovia writes a lot of hot checks, and is not a reputable institution). last thursday night, i'm on the phone with acme daddy, to ensure that some of the money from the ends of the earth got put into the account from which i write lots of checks...like for instance the ones on friday mornings that pay people. here is the conversation between acme daddy and me:<br /><br />me: i will look and be sure that deposit went through tonight, because if it didn't i'm going to be up the creek. i guess i'll just have to go sell my body.<br />dad: well, if you can make $4k in one night.....<br />me: yes?<br />dad: maybe you should flip tricks instead of houses.<br /><br />honestly, he is probably right. it's very likely that i would be better at tricking. at least i know more about it.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24841842.post-34006377369493481222007-07-18T00:07:00.000-05:002007-07-18T00:14:28.748-05:00bountynoticed that i've had a lot of grumpy posts lately. maybe i should steer clear of talking. here is one day's worth of cucumber harvest from the garden.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBk18bbPg7BVCUcyFYmmQsOxWY2CJnrlY9cOdiYLLmzB2pGuZJEwqYqLUkUmqxakJArqmDMuZgSMK1yL9jMcrUtOHg2fHtUgiPir4tZ2k6w87fl7H74w4l2x1MHr0rU632MuOvvA/s1600-h/IMG_2359.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBk18bbPg7BVCUcyFYmmQsOxWY2CJnrlY9cOdiYLLmzB2pGuZJEwqYqLUkUmqxakJArqmDMuZgSMK1yL9jMcrUtOHg2fHtUgiPir4tZ2k6w87fl7H74w4l2x1MHr0rU632MuOvvA/s320/IMG_2359.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5088399817459232034" /></a><br />i recently discovered that the cucumber vine has taken over the little picket fence that divides our yard from the neighbors' yard, and there are cucumbers growing willy-nilly all over the place. vegetables, a-hoy!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24841842.post-50284861833267549222007-07-14T19:28:00.000-05:002007-07-14T19:44:10.893-05:00hate and discontentthis week has been awful. i haven't blogged, because i would only blog about how shitty and miserable i feel about everything.<br /><br />it is now saturday night, at 7:30. i am at work. i will be here until 11.<br /><br />i just finished registering for traffic school online, because i got a speeding ticket. because i was under the impression, silly ole me, that the speed limit on the particular part of the interstate that i happened to be driving on was 70. oh, officer, its actually 55? and i was going 72? THAT'S AMAZING. <br /><br />i've been to traffic school before. 4 hours in the evening, no biggie, right? so i register online, and i find that i am the lucky qualifier for EIGHT GODDAMN HOURS OF DEFENSIVE DRIVING SCHOOL. which equals either a tuesday AND thursday night from 5:30-9:30, or a SATURDAY from 9-5. and see, on tuesdays, because i love my life so much, i work second shift, from 3pm-11pm. thus making it not possible for me to go to driving school on tuesday night. so instead, i will spend an entire saturday learning about how the road is most slippery RIGHT AFTER it starts to rain. <br /><br />ok, i can't write any more, because i have to go feel sorry for myself now. and play social worker. maybe when i get off work tonight, i'll get drunk. i hear that self-medicating with a depressant is AWESOMELY effective.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24841842.post-26645865623681535392007-07-04T13:34:00.001-05:002007-07-04T13:48:47.723-05:00crabby pattyworking on the 4th of july puts me in the *best* mood you can even imagine. i'm posting from the hub of all dreariness and discontent, and i will try not to explode my grouchiness all over your face.<br /><br />in other news, i learned this weekend that julie comes by her kleptomania honestly. one of her family members, whose identity i will not disclose, "accidentally" forgot to pay for a few items in the ole cart -- items that were obscured from the view of the cashier by a strategically placed oversize box. one of the items was a box of pink and purple golf balls, purchased for a certain 7 year old child in julie's family. these were charity golf balls, and a portion of the proceeds (when there are actually proceeds from people paying for the item) are donated to the breast cancer something or another. breast cancer. charity golf balls. STOLEN. julie and i can reserve a cozy little room right next door to us in the 2nd circle of hell, BECAUSE WE WILL SURELY HAVE NEIGHBORS. THAT STEAL BREAST CANCER GOLF BALLS. TO GIVE AS GIFTS TO SMALL CHILDREN. <br /><br />let's see what else.<br /><br />i cooked boneless beef short ribs. i marinated them in molasses glaze and my own throw-up.<br /><br />happy independence day!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24841842.post-81327626051693063742007-06-29T00:27:00.001-05:002007-06-29T00:48:29.879-05:00general updates1. the dogs are still in the backyard. they aren't friendly with cats. billie has been thoroughly traumatized and yesterday she climbed, i swear to god, the tallest tree in nashville. we have called, and here for once i am not exaggerating, every single animal rescue organization in middle tennessee. nobody can help us. nobody has room. at least none of the no-kill shelters have room. i am totally at my wit's end and have no idea what to do. desperation and despair have simultaneously descended on me. <br /><br />2. i rearranged the bedroom today in an attempt to shake aforementioned despair. <br /><br />3. i've eaten two cherry tomatoes from my garden. they were both life changingly good.<br /><br />4. watched "transamerica" tonight. liked it. while watching "transamerica," overheard someone unload their clip across the street. stifled the urge to duck and cover. come on over to the east sieeeeeede, there is plenty of room for everyone. everyone that packs heat, at least.<br /><br />5. saturn is rising (not really). <br /><br />6. still no progress on the feeding-family front. am considering ordering kfc. too fancy? maybe white castle. <br /><br />7. the house progress is slow. we aren't really "flipping" the house, in the way you might flip a burger. we are turning it on a stunningly slow rotisserie. rotisserie that house. <br /><br />8. decided to quadruple the dosage of my antidepressant. will keep you posted on how that works out for me, that is unless i suddenly become so delightfully happy that i can't be bothered to play on my computer because i'm too busy frolicking in fields of poppies and posies and pansies and peonies. and petunias.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24841842.post-1316898294033531332007-06-27T11:53:00.000-05:002007-06-27T12:01:19.149-05:00all you big-hearted people out there, pay heed<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibWFm-jauw6gTxK2acqQtaH9coYq-33JeizjM2khf0QaQ7J1CUFthSxv2AwbMc7fYrs5J1yhol3m5cnwqshmNO_0fypWAahj8zSS5Zd8QuCJGaX9Oupld4WGuJ7JabD-PXpoRjrg/s1600-h/IMG_2303.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibWFm-jauw6gTxK2acqQtaH9coYq-33JeizjM2khf0QaQ7J1CUFthSxv2AwbMc7fYrs5J1yhol3m5cnwqshmNO_0fypWAahj8zSS5Zd8QuCJGaX9Oupld4WGuJ7JabD-PXpoRjrg/s320/IMG_2303.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5080789386626342386" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA1IihTWQh9rk-EqHWGpXR-7tyBvgSEKfwehfPTMoFGYsAedOZxEZrUMM648n6IpUGA5igJrLwAnM3hTRpy8nkD-UDIeU9KD1qnhURodIIqWU9u-cStRa2LzEoWcyHnno2hbHbbQ/s1600-h/IMG_2301.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA1IihTWQh9rk-EqHWGpXR-7tyBvgSEKfwehfPTMoFGYsAedOZxEZrUMM648n6IpUGA5igJrLwAnM3hTRpy8nkD-UDIeU9KD1qnhURodIIqWU9u-cStRa2LzEoWcyHnno2hbHbbQ/s320/IMG_2301.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5080789240597454306" /></a><br />i don't have the time or energy right now, and i'm too grumpy, to compose an amusing little anecdote about these dogs. i woke up on tuesday morning with an enormous hangover, and extra creatures in my backyard. i guess kind of like how people wake up with strangers in their bed? kind of like that. they are both girls, are friendly and healthy, and are attached at the hip. they are lovely, big, affectionate dogs. we cannot keep them. YOU should keep them. please, please, tell me if you want them or know someone who might.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24841842.post-2743799467984075872007-06-27T09:41:00.000-05:002007-06-27T09:55:54.189-05:00family systems collidingbig events on the horizon.<br /><br />this weekend, julie's parents plus grandma are paying us a little visit. family visits are always fun, beause our house is the size of a shoe box and we all get to sleep within 4 cm of each other so that when somebody inhales, or exhales, everybody can stay up to date on who is breathing and who is not.<br /><br />add to this the fact that i thought it would be a smashing idea to invite my parents over for dinner on one of the nights that julie's parents+grandma will be here. "julie's parents, meet morgan's parents. they think we live a life of sin, and can't wait for morgan to outgrow this weird phase, meet a 'god-fearing man,' and have babies!" oh, the fun! oh oh oh, i almost forgot: "julie's grandma, welcome to morgan and julie's house, where it is excruciatingly clear that julie and morgan share a bed, like any other 'friends' would do!" just thinking about the awkwardness that is sure to ensue makes my eyes sparkle with sheer delight. it also makes me want to drink, heavily. <br /><br />naturally, i have already started obsessing about what to serve for dinner. this should be SO easy to figure out...mix a few carnivores with some die-hard-meat-and-potatoes-folks, throw in a couple of cases of ibs, and some diverticulitis, and then put a vegan in the kitchen, and what do you get? I DON'T KNOW EITHER. naturally, i consulted rachael ray, and thought i would perhaps use her suggested 4th of july menu, with a little modification (and with me not really eating anything):<br />glazed grilled chicken breasts with pineapple<br />balsamic green bean and potato salad<br />grilled corn with parmesan butter<br />red fruit tart<br />i ran it by julie, and she says: "i don't know, i think its a little too fancy for my parents. maybe we could just do ribs and potato salad?"<br />ribs?<br />potato salad?<br />i don't even know what you're talking about.<br /><br />stay tuned for more exciting updates as my social anxiety grows increasingly debilitating!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24841842.post-84017144754474931972007-06-25T18:45:00.001-05:002007-06-25T18:49:43.575-05:00REALLY BAD DOGlet me preface this by saying that julie, to my extreme discontent and disgruntlement, gives mercy people food. mercy's favorite people food is watermelon. <br /><br />this past weekend i bought a seedless yellow watermelon at the farmer's market. and it is up there with top 5 best watermelons i've ever had. so today, we are sitting on the couch watching a movie and eating pieces of watermelon. i take a piece out of the tupperware, and before i can even get it into my MOUTH, mercy leaps from her spot on the couch and SNATCHES IT OUT OF MY HAND.<br /><br />morgan: <span style="font-weight:bold;">GASP!!!</span><br />julie: jesus christ, you would think somebody just stole your virginity.<br /><br />(just want to say, though, that i snatched the watermelon right out of her grubby little mouth, and i ate it. that little bitch.)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24841842.post-30582455802550254902007-06-24T19:30:00.000-05:002007-06-24T19:36:28.820-05:00bad doggo ahead, YOU try and discipline her.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRjQmzg0hjQS-O_Ezlv2NKKii_Q04XLRQh6ss-boV4VZteW-AtIX1VW2Etm4THORhfH94T1b2tVILBUqfq75CtFjctrz5HC95tGo__HNsoRtU1JBJTbVibCtfLFS4HWQrLOipOow/s1600-h/IMG_2153.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRjQmzg0hjQS-O_Ezlv2NKKii_Q04XLRQh6ss-boV4VZteW-AtIX1VW2Etm4THORhfH94T1b2tVILBUqfq75CtFjctrz5HC95tGo__HNsoRtU1JBJTbVibCtfLFS4HWQrLOipOow/s400/IMG_2153.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5079794194327359010" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24841842.post-11179645571849460732007-06-20T11:13:00.001-05:002007-06-21T07:58:48.913-05:00RACHAEL RAYfirst, i will need to admit that i have been becoming weary in my little vegan culinary world. i have several cookbooks that i lurv, but i have had them for awhile, and have fallen into a bit of a lentil rut. there are a few good vegan cookbooks, but a lot of them suck, and are based on the assumption that if you are a vegan, you also must not like anything with flavor, and also must be a rabbit. sometimes i get a little gloomy when i go to the cookbook section in the bookstore (as i tend to do, for long amounts of time) because my section is tiny, and then there are shelves and shelves of the most beautiful and enticing and wonderful cookbooks overflowing with dairy, and dairy, and some dairy with eggs, and some dairy with meat, and some more dairy. and dairy, did i say dairy? they have the dairy. oh, and the meat too. <br /><br />now for my next confession. i have a little friend (well, i use "friend" loosely here, because really what i mean is MORTAL ENEMY) who i like to call my cheese monkey. cheese monkey eats cheese, and only cheese, and a lot of cheese. cheese monkey scoffs at soy cheese, and any other product that tries to masquerade as cheese. sometimes, cheese monkey will lie dormant for months and months without causing any kind of ruckus. those are the good times. the happy times. the normal pooping times. but then cheese monkey starts demanding things. when i say things, i mean cheese. every and any type of cheese. if cheese monkey's demands are not met, cheese monkey throws tantrums of such epic proportion i dare not try to limit them to the tiny parameters of my inadequate vocabulary. eventually, the cheese monkey gets what the cheese monkey wants. <br /><br />BUT, my friends, the plot thickens. i have been successful enough in repressing the cheese monkey and keeping it chained in its cold lonely cell that my body has forgotten what to do with cheese. over the course of my two and a half years of fairly strict veganism, i have become what i believe people like to call "lactose intolerant." so, when i am defeated by the cheese monkey i must do penance for my sins in the form of bloating, extreme discomfort, and other unmentionables.<br /><br />recently i was at the house of a dear friend, and i noted a magazine nearby: "every day with rachael ray." i've never really been much into rachael ray, primarily because i can't eat the majority of the food from her cookbooks, on her show, etc. but i have fallen crazily and hopelessly in love with this magazine. i can find a fair amount of recipes that can at least be adapted for my gastrointestinal comfort, and the rest i just have to feed to other people who come eat at my house. AND most of the recipes have a wine suggestion, which prevents me from wandering stupidly around the wine store completely puzzled about what wine would best complement stuffed portobellos with bread salad. last week i made a free form red fruit tart (from the magazine, naturally) that was CRAZY amazing. in the past, i have cried more than one time (go ahead and laugh) trying to make a flaky crust. my frustration with flaky crusts actually led me to a meltdown on christmas eve in which i swore i wasn't going to go to christmas with my family because i had FAILED AT MAKING A PERFECT PIE CRUST. well, not the case with the tart. the crust was effortlessly, marvelously, meltingly flaky. plus, it wasn't salted with my own tears. i will admit, sometimes rachael ray and cheese monkey appear to be in cahoots with each other (like, for instance, a couple of weeks ago when i apparently TOTALLY LOST MY MIND and decided it would be a good plan to eat a pressed manchego cheese sandwich with roasted red peppers. CHEESE SANDWICH? i will spare the gory details of the fallout.) so anyways. say what you will about rachael, because i have said it too. and then try the recipes from that damn magazine and start working on the SHRINE to her that you will surely want to construct in your kitchen.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24841842.post-29137615929548246752007-06-16T19:08:00.000-05:002007-06-16T19:38:56.595-05:00homo depoti used to make trips to home depot on the weekends to buy things like mulch, and flowers, and pretty things to play with. those days are a distant memory that i long for, in the same way one might long for the golden days of youth. nowadays (i just turned 88, right then when i used that word) i go to home depot for lumber. drywall (do you know how much drywall weighs? i could just as easily have bought and carried sheets of steel to hang on the walls). i specialize in buying the NOT fun things these days. so i have to make my own fun out of the home depot trips, because i'm certainly not going to get any pleasure out of poring over sticks of wood.<br /><br />the day before yesterday, we stopped at la hacienda on nolensville road to grab a bite to eat before going to spend the whole rest of the evening at the depot. lo and behold -- it was happy hour at la hacienda! 2 for 1 margaritas! so, i got plowed, and then julie took me shopping to pick out a bathtub. kohler devonshire, would you like to have a margarita with me? i thought so.<br /><br />yesterday, we needed to buy caulk. now see, that word, it is funny. say it a little quickly and don't clearly pronounce the "l", and you have infinity amount of childish sex jokes at your fingertips. caulk -- at your fingertips! yesterday i wasn't plowed at home depot, but i was sure to speak loudly about caulk in such a way that many many heads turned. here are some of my favorite caulk jokes:<br /><br />"we have spent the whole day trying to get caulk off! it takes a long time because the caulk, it is old."<br /><br />while in the caulk aisle, talking to another man shopping for caulk: "there are so many kinds of caulk! each one is a little different, but they all serve the same purpose."<br /><br />"some caulk fills small holes, other caulk fills large holes."<br /><br />"exercise great caution when using a caulk gun, because if you don't handle it just right it will explode all over the place." <br /><br />i know, i have the maturity and sense of humor of a 13 year old boy. whatever. <br />you liked it. you like caulk.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24841842.post-54083543034065053682007-06-15T21:15:00.000-05:002007-06-15T21:17:39.762-05:00morgan's friday quotsies(in response to mr. allstate, re: flip property):<br /><br />"you can't deny me fucking home owner's insurance just because my house is ghetto!"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24841842.post-85753408116130014912007-06-14T23:07:00.000-05:002007-06-14T23:21:06.342-05:00how does my garden grow?this is the first year i've had my very own garden, with the real dirt and the things that grow in it. last year after we moved in we were able to plant some flowers, but it was too late in the season to plant vegetables. but THIS year, oh the gardening, it did happen. with the vegetables. i planted lettuce, green onions, cucumbers, LOTS of green bell peppers (i don't like them that much, but they came in a little six pack, and it seemed silly not to plant them. if you need green bell peppers, please contact me when they ripen.), red bell peppers (THOSE i do like, and they were not sold in a six pack. do not contact me when they ripen, because i will eat them all myself.), cucumbers, four different kinds of tomatoes, basil, cilantro, rosemary, and lavender. YAY FOR MY GARDEN!!!<br /><br />my two favorite gardening events have been:<br />1. when the lettuce started to sprout. little wee tiny heads of leaf lettuce all in a row! from seeds! that i planted! magic.<br />2. this week, when i peeked under the GIGANTIC cucumber vines only to discover that there is a whole cucumber community thriving under those big fuzzy leaves, with some cucumbers very tiny and some big enough to pick! and eat! with the mouth! we have harvested three cucumbers, and they are lovely and perfect and all i could ever ask for. plus, they don't have that bitter awful tasting wax on them like the ones from the grocery store. <br /><br />i'm also pretty excited about the cherry tomatoes that i've spotted....very small and green, but VERY promising. all of this wonderment kind of makes me wish i had planted a few other things....i poked my head over the fence (well, the fence isn't that tall to really require that much of a head poke, i can pretty well see over it just fine with no head poke at all) to look at the neighbor's garden, and they are growing broccoli and those heads of broccoli are about the cutest dern things i've ever seen. also they have pole beans. but no cucumbers. or lettuce. but if you combine the produce from both gardens -- behold! <br /><br />i'm serious about the green peppers. prepare to contact me.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0