grandpa

over the past several months, my grandpa has been in the process of dying. his health has declined over the last years, and his quality of life now is really not good. he has moved from assisted living, to the hospital, to 24 hour nursing care...meanwhile my mom has largely been responsible for being his caregiver...it has been hard to watch, and i think the time has come when it really is time for him to go, but he is still hanging on, and it is a struggle for everyone involved. sometime i will have to get around to telling some grandpa stories, because there is plenty of hilariousness to be had, but i wanted to post some things that i have been reading...in this book called "conversations with god" by neale donald walsch...that have been really useful and have changed my perspective. they have changed my perspective about death in general, about grandpa's death, largely about the death of my biological mother. it has offered a lot of comfort and healing. this passage is written as though "god" is speaking to the author...

"the person who has the 'faith to move mountains,' and dies six weeks later, has moved mountains for six weeks. that may have been enough for him. he may have decided, on the last hour of the last day, 'okay,, i've had enough. i'm ready to go on now to another adventure.' you may not have known of that decision, because he may not have told you. the truth is, he may have made that decision quite a bit earlier--and not have told you; not have told anyone.

you have created a society in which it is very not okay to want to die--very not okay to be very okay with death. because you don't want to die, you can't imagine anyone wanting to die--no matter what their circumstances or condition.

but there are many situations in which death is preferable to life--which i know you can imagine if you think about it for even a little bit. yet, these truths don't occur to you--they are not that self-evident--when you are looking in the face of someone else who is choosing to die. and the dying person knows this. she can feel the level of acceptance in the room regarding her decision.

have you ever noticed how many people wait until the room is empty before they die? some even have to tell their loved ones--'no, really, go. get a bit to eat.' or 'go, get some sleep. i'm fine. i'll see you in the morning.' and then, when the loyal guard leaves, so does the soul from the body of the guarded.

if they told their assembled relatives and friends, 'i just want to die,' they would really hear it. 'oh, you don't mean that,' or 'now, don't talk that way,' or 'hang in there,' or 'please don't leave me.'

the entire medical profession is trained to keep people alive, rather than keeping people comfortable so that they can die with dignity.

you see, to a doctor or nurse, death is failure. to a friend or relative, death is disaster. only to the soul is death a relief--a release.

the greatest gift you can give the dying is to let them die in peace--not thinking that they must 'hang on,' or continue to suffer, or worry about you at this most crucial passage in their life...

...now at this point everything depends on how badly the soul wants to leave. if there is no great urgency here, the soul may say, 'alright, you win. i'll stick around with you a little longer.' but if the soul is very clear that staying does not serve its higher agenda--that there is no further way it can evolve through this body--the soul is going to leave, and nothing will stop it--nor should anything try to.

the soul is very clear that its purpose is evolution. that is its sole purpose--and its soul purpose. it is not concerned with the achievements of the body or the development of the mind. these are all meaningless to the soul.

the soul is also clear that there is no great tragedy involved in leaving the body. in many ways, the tragedy is being in the body. so you have to understand, the soul sees this whole death thing differently. it, of course, sees the whole 'life thing' differently, too--and that is the source of much of the frustration and anxiety one feels in one's own life. the frustration and anxiety comes from not listening to one's soul."

shew. so i'll leave that for you to digest.