Monday, September 25, 2006

and she's done

nearly an hour has passed since the completion of my FIRST DIVINITY SCHOOL TEST. my eyes are still kind of glazed. i feel like my brain had diarrhea for the entire duration of the test. and now it is tiiiiiiired.

but now, i get to think about something besides christology. like, laundry. or dusting.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006


quicken is one of those programs that i love to hate, and hate to satisfies my inner nerd, as well as my not-so-inner control the same time it draws my attention to alarming things, like for instance how much we spend each month on the damn menagerie that lives here.

when you play budget, it all looks like it is going to work out so nicely. and theeeeen you need new tires. and your girlfriend needs dental work. and another damn animal needs to be spayed, so that there aren't any more damn animals running around on the side of lebanon road for julie to PICK UP AND BRING HOME FOR ME TO TAKE CARE OF. and yeah, you are supposed to budget for those "unexpected" expenses....but really? does anyone ever succeed at that?

anyways, quicken and i had a heart to heart today, because it is looking more and more like we are about to become a single income family, with yours truly as the primary breadwinner (SCARY). i'm afraid that julie's mental health will not withstand many more days at her job. and her mental health coverage, while decent, might not suffice in the case of the breakdown which is currently pending. so really what it boils down to is that somehow, someway, one of us has to bring home $343 to supplement what i am currently making. and yes, that number is precisely accurate. and my projection of our expenses is fool proof, and fail safe.

how many nights would i have to strip to make $343? lets hear some projections.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

tuesday's reflection

quitters may never "win," but the idea of winning is so subjective that really, that phrase is meaningless.

moreover, quitters don't have to make to do lists. and right now, that really tips the scale.

Monday, September 18, 2006

and then i realized that i am aging

so picture the scene:

julie and i, after a long saturday of chores (new mums!) decide to venture into public for a big outing. saturday night excitement, right? so we get in the car (a family sedan) and drive to maggie moo's. it is, oh, maybe 10:30. we pull up to maggie moo's in our family sedan, windows down, radio up, and look around to notice that we are among a crowd of younger "cool kids." my awareness is soon brought to the fact that julie and i BOTH, unbeknownest to each other until this very moment, are singing along with phil collins -- "you'll be in my heart." belting it out. the crowd looks on, with distaste.

i didn't think i would have this feeling until i was in, say, my forties. maybe school is aging me at an accelerated rate. i think maybe the situation is exacerbated by the fact that i spent a good deal of friday night reading exodus. it makes me feel like i need to go do something really irresponsible and dangerous. like play with fire. or sleep past 7 am.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

something alarming and gross

yesterday i had lunch with two dear friends (hi guys!) who are also in recovery from almost being completely brainwashed by the crazy evangelical conservative brand of christianity. they reminded me of something that i had repressed so far back into the recesses of my mind, i probably would have never remembered it without prompting.

does anyone else remember JUDGMENT HOUSE?

well in case you don't, the basic idea is a "christian" alternative to the haunted house, where they act out these little scenes where people die and then GO TO HELL. like people who, say, commit suicide, or have abortions....or die in a car wreck while they were having sex with a transgender prostitute while they were smoking crack and killing little babies (that last one wasn't actually one of the scenarios). but the whole idea is that if you don't do EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO, you will burn in hell for eternity. and these little ditties are sponsored by CHURCHES. there is apparently a documentary about these wonderful evangelical tools of god called "hell house." i can't wait to see it.

my dear friends saw this documentary, and apparently there was one church one time (one time, at band camp...) that did a re-enactment of an earthquake in asia, in which a lot of people died....and the church managed to use ACTUAL BODIES from the asian earthquake, which were frozen, and shipped to america (land of the free, home of the brave), to show how all these people died and wound up in hell because they were buddhist. jesus.

so i'm going to get the documentary, and see for myself, and then i will report back about whether or not i am more, or less, appalled than i am right now.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006


when i thought that i would be able to go to school full time and work full time and still have a life, i was wrong. so wrong. and just when i thought things might be settling down:

most people only get stomach bugs -- or food poisoning, or whatever ailment makes you think you are going to die from throwing up -- every so often. this is not the case for me. this morning around, say, 3:00, i awoke with the sudden realization that i was going to be ill. julie was woken by my retching, and came to my rescue with the most important treatment method for vomiting -- the wet washcloth. the cats paced around in the bathroom, looking concerned (or confused) -- the dog started to whimper in her house with the realization that WE WERE DOING SOMETHING WITHOUT HER. little codependant shit. my violent illness began to subside around hour and a half before the alarm was due to go off.

julie INSISTED that i not go to school today. but it is still early enough in the semester that i am worried i will certainly flunk all my classes if i miss a single lecture. so i ignored her protestations, and crawled out the door looking my absolute best. it is also early enough in the semester that i hadn't yet gone to class looking like shit. well, there goes the illusion that i shower regularly and wash my hair. ah well. they were bound to find out sometime.

i'm nursing myself back to health by eating dry clifford crunch (please note: if you haven't ever had clifford crunch, you have not experienced true pleasure). i might treat myself to some vegetable broth when i get home.