homo depot

i used to make trips to home depot on the weekends to buy things like mulch, and flowers, and pretty things to play with. those days are a distant memory that i long for, in the same way one might long for the golden days of youth. nowadays (i just turned 88, right then when i used that word) i go to home depot for lumber. drywall (do you know how much drywall weighs? i could just as easily have bought and carried sheets of steel to hang on the walls). i specialize in buying the NOT fun things these days. so i have to make my own fun out of the home depot trips, because i'm certainly not going to get any pleasure out of poring over sticks of wood.

the day before yesterday, we stopped at la hacienda on nolensville road to grab a bite to eat before going to spend the whole rest of the evening at the depot. lo and behold -- it was happy hour at la hacienda! 2 for 1 margaritas! so, i got plowed, and then julie took me shopping to pick out a bathtub. kohler devonshire, would you like to have a margarita with me? i thought so.

yesterday, we needed to buy caulk. now see, that word, it is funny. say it a little quickly and don't clearly pronounce the "l", and you have infinity amount of childish sex jokes at your fingertips. caulk -- at your fingertips! yesterday i wasn't plowed at home depot, but i was sure to speak loudly about caulk in such a way that many many heads turned. here are some of my favorite caulk jokes:

"we have spent the whole day trying to get caulk off! it takes a long time because the caulk, it is old."

while in the caulk aisle, talking to another man shopping for caulk: "there are so many kinds of caulk! each one is a little different, but they all serve the same purpose."

"some caulk fills small holes, other caulk fills large holes."

"exercise great caution when using a caulk gun, because if you don't handle it just right it will explode all over the place."

i know, i have the maturity and sense of humor of a 13 year old boy. whatever.
you liked it. you like caulk.