ear infucktion

for the past, oh, week, my ear has been hurting. not constantly...sometimes worse, sometimes not so bad....but thursday night and friday it was obviously worse, and too late to get into my dr. before the weekend.....

so today i went to the walk in clinic. keep in mind, my ear is not really comfortable, but is certainly, easily managable. it kind of felt, and sounded, like there was an ocean in there. dull pain, you know, things you would expect with an ear infection. in comes the dr., yadda yadda pleasantries etc....oh i think what we will do is IRRIGATE your ear. didn't sound particularly fun to ME, right?

me: is that going to hurt?
dr.: no, no, not at ALL.

right. irrigating something on my body? and it not hurting? so she leaves and comes pack with a pressure washer and full body wetsuit for me to put on, and a dish for me to hold under my ear for when the water -- and my brain -- comes gushing out.

dr.: this will feel and sound a little funny, but won't cause any pain. let me know if it is uncomfortable.
me: ok.....
**pressure washing commences**
moments later:
me: that hurts.
dr.: oh, it does? let me look.
**looks in my ear with excavation light**
dr.: it will stop hurting in a minute.
**pressure washing resumes**
me: that still hurts.
me: no, like i mean it REALLY hurts.
me (eyes rolling back in head from pain): JESUS CHRIST, LADY! MY GODDAMN FUCKING EAR IS FUCKING KILLING ME, YOU SHIT ASS HO MOTHER FUCKER!

so while i sit there in my wetsuit trying not to fall to the floor writhing in agony, she explains that maybe it would be better if she gave me a prescription for some ear drops. REALLY? I WAS HOPING YOU COULD TORTURE ME AGAIN. let me know if this is uncomfortable. right.

me: my ear hurts very much.
dr.: that will let up in a minute.
**moments pass**
dr.: is it feeling any better?
me: no, bitch. it isn't.

off to the pharmacy we go, i grit my teeth and grimace and try to convince myself that i am not actually going to die from this. get the ear drops, get in the car, tilt head to side, insert ear drops. which are reputed to have a pain reliever in them. driving driving driving, ear filled with ear drops, which clearly are just sitting in my ear and not going anywhere. also, pain relief? not experiencing that. and THEN, oh THEN, my fine friends, i learned what it means for your ear to hurt. when i said my ear was hurting before, i had NO IDEA that my ear had the capacity to hurt this bad. julie looks at me with concern, while i silently pray for the world to end so that my ear will not hurt. along about the wedgewood exit, as the pain continues to intensify, i begin to cry. feeling kind of like a five year old, i sob pretty much all the way home.

who gets ear infections, anyways? because i thought once you got past the age of 6 you were pretty much done with all that hocus pocus.

the pain has subsided enough that i don't feel like i'm going to vomit/pass out/die...but it seems that at any moment, KABAM, it will start to hurt again. dr. said to take three ibuprofen every 8 hours to "help with the discomfort." kidding, right? you aren't going to give me a morphine drip for this?

if you have any illegal substances that might alleviate my AGONY, please feel free to send them over to the east sieeeeede.